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Caroline
Nick
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This seems inadvisable. And yet, I feel inexplicably compelled.
Why is it that the same person who makes you feel the best also makes you feel the worst? One moment her very presence is an ego boost, her every word an affirmation of your worth, but the next second she makes you feel like week-old shit being scraped off a shoe. At times her praise makes you feel the hot confidence of a steel-reinforced stud, at other times her disparaging remarks take the snippers to your scrotum with the cold, ruthless efficiency of a mechanical razor. The slightest upward quirk of the corner of her mouth can launch an armada of passionate, self-affirming thoughts like a flotilla of warships to conquer your mind; by the same token, a tiny release of bored breath can make a winning anecdote freeze on the tip of your tongue and crawl back down your throat to die a shameful, agonizing death in the ignominious depths of your gut. Why must the person who uses her power over you to entice, to affirm, to support, and to encourage use the same power to admonish, to embarass, to demean, and to dishearten? Why, when her warm goodbye can trigger comfort, lust, happiness, or anticipation of her renewed company, must her lukewarm dismissal leave you alone in the dark on the verge of tears? Why can an entire day of successfully ensuring her confidence in the actuality of your love be reduced to an idiot's series of pitiful ploys by an unreceptive silence barely a minute long? Why can she change history? Why is that?
Nick @ 1:49 AM |